Friday, March 5, 2010
the real deal: being a parent can show you just what you're made of...or not made of.
I'm not made for this day. My heart is breaking for my sweet son. I just found out he's been hiding out in the bathroom during recess, for the past couple months! He went from everyone loving him to everyone noticing that he has difficulties and therefore, teasing him and leaving him out. I've always known that he has been behind, that he struggles, that he has learning disabilities...but to hear it all said out loud in a room at school today was enough to make me cry. He needs to be tested, he needs counseling from the school psychiatrist, he needs reading and speech and language therapy, he needs to be tested for ADD & ADHD, he needs, he needs. I have so much love for this boy of mine!!!! I can't bare to see him hurt, feel inadequate, have low self confidence. What do you do? Do you call all his friend's mom's and ask them to have their boys play with your child so he won't be alone? Why do I feel like I have to explain to other mom's/teachers why he acts the way he does or talks the way he does etc, etc. I feel so overwhelmed. I want to spend every waking moment teaching, loving, encouraging so that this child will develop what is necessary to keep up, to keep afloat in school, in life, socially, mentally, spiritually. I want to go to school at recess and play with him when he is alone. I can't. I know. I have 3 other children, and their needs too. Our challenges come in many different forms but the emotional have to be the worst! I just feel so bad....BUT I KNOW that I have one of the BEST boys ever because I see what other people don't see. I know his heart. That's what keeps me going. It has been a hard, long road and I know much time and patience lays ahead. I just wish I could make it easier for him. I'd gladly take it all away if I could. This I do know, that he will overcome these challenges. I don't doubt. He WILL.
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8 comments:
I'm sorry, Heather. My heart is breaking for Noah and for you. Being a mom is so hard! I've had a rough go of it this week as well. Living through the pain of our kids can be torture. I'd rather go through it myself and save them, but I guess then it wouldn't teach them or us whatever it is that God wants us to learn. I wish he and Karson had the same recess :( If you think about it, the popular kids that had all the friends in school often end up to be the losers in adult life. The kids that you least expected to succeed seem to do it. Noah has so much positive to offer the world. He will learn and grow from this and be better for it! You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh Heather! I am in tears. I'm so sorry. My heart is breaking with yours. I have a hard one, too. I fear for him, as you must for yours. You'll be in my prayers. Don't let them pigeonhole him with a label. He is a good boy! And he will make it just fine. He'll just take the long way around or something. Oh Heather...I love you. Take care.
Heather,
Yes, you do talk to his friends moms and ask for their help. Have the kids to your house to play. Call your pediatrician and talk to him/her about the suspected ADD (Lisa with Dr. Coombs here in Bountiful is excellent to work with on this issue). There is fantastic medicine available that will really help him focus and make things more "even" for him (if that is what he is dealing with). It's made a HUGE difference for my daughter. Find out what he loves and get him into it. Get him all the help he needs and don't be afraid to fight for him every step of the way. We all learn in different ways, and sometimes the "traditional" way of learning is just not conducive to how a person learns. I have a good friend who has a genius son, who can think up and solve complicated math problems in his head and build a jet engine from a paper clip and a piece of gum, but has a hard focusing in school or "playing" with other kids. They are constantly finding avenues for him to express his creativity, and he is a great kid, even if he can be a little "difficult" for teachers or other kids. We all need to be more accepting of all kids and their wonderful uniqueness and take the time to look for the awesomeness inside each of them. Whew, sorry! I'm very passionate about this! You and Kelly have wonderful, incredible children and they are so lucky to be born to such a wonder family!
I went through somewhat of the same struggles Heather, and your post took me right back to those moments when my boy was misjudged, mistreated, and left out. You have a strong, loving family that will support and give love to your boy. Through prayer you will know how to handle it ... you will I promise! God bless you and your little boy ... he's precious!
I feel your pain too Heather. It's these kind of things that wrack you to the core as a mother. I've had plenty of "teary" moments with Pierce and have had confrontations with other kids' parents and it's the worst, you're so right about that. His problem is he likes attention and tries to get it in a negative way most of the time. He's currently meeting with the school counselor once a week in a special class on how to behave and get along with other people. I'm very thankful for the help that's out there. There are so many good people, counselors, teachers, doctors, who are so understanding and willing to help these sweet kids. Just think, this too shall pass. It's a hurdle I know you'll all get over, just one of life's little (big) trials. It will all be okay, but hang in there. It's just like the saying I cross-stitched for mom and dad years ago: "Some of life's greatest battles are fought within the silent chambers of the heart". I love you and your sweet Noah too!! ♥
I am SO sorry Heather--both for you and Noah. My heart has been torn in two when my kids have been ignored, left out and made fun of. We LOVE Noah at our house and he's welcome to come and play ANY time he wants--even Garrett thinks Noah is "cool." And I agree with Karen, sometimes you do have to call the friend's moms and ask for a little "help." We're all in this together and if we don't help each other out we'll never make it alone...
I just think of his adorable face and smile...and silly laugh. My favorite memory of Noah is finding the dragons in the wall on Pierpont. He is a wonderful boy. These trials will just make him stronger and also empathetic for others. Hugs to both of you!!!
Heather, I am so sorry...My heart is also breaking for you and Noah. He is such a sweet boy and I am so glad we have gotten to know him and your family. Kids can be so mean. Send him our way any time to play with the boys. It is so hard to be a parent and at the same time the most wonderful thing ever.
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